Here I Am..This..is Me...

Aaah the gentle winter breeze,the warm blankets... and the good old ginger tea..... Its cold and freezing in chennai.... Is it the winter has come.... or is it the vibes...in our house.. I am feeling a warmth in my heart...... I feel that the climate makes a lot of difference... in our moods... Well...Our life is pretty much,the same old... After so much heartbeak and pain... life is pretty much coming back to normal.. I finally got the courage to tell dad, that I am seeing someone... and I want to spend my life with him for a lifetime... I am feeling as if a great weight has been lifted off my gentle heart... After so many years of wrong starts,bad endings, and false beginnings... I have finally come past all that and finally acknowledged a relationship.... Thats a great big step for me... Cos I never commit to anything or anyone.. Cos I fear that I may fail or someone may break my trust...eventually... Life isn't about fearing...about everything... Som...

Christmas the wonderful season,that makes us want mouth watering plum cakes,await Santa Claus... and hope that the new year coming in a week.. brings us more joysand things that we wan,  in the following year ahead... Christmas is a time,when the joy of sharing is most evident... We go and spend time with all friends and family... and then also feel like giving things to the people who are in need of help... In ways it is life Diwali..In fact all our Indian festivals are like that ... Sharing the joy of togetherness, the warmth of a family atmosphere... The care and love that we share... We express gratitude for all the blessings that the lord has bestowed upon us... We also try to be more caring and sharing to the people around us... Today was a wonderful day, I spent Christmas with Nisha,and her kids... I had a nice time,had cakes,and drink and loved their Christmas tree... Mainly I love this season.. the spirit of Christmas is too special to forget.. a...

It is with mixed emotions that I await Dad's arrival at Chennai Tomorrow... It still reminds me of the Childhood days when we used to wait for days together for him to come back from sailing... Cos he was a Navy Man...and Well... we kinda got used to never having him around... Basically Mom raised us....the whole while.. She took care of the home while Dad was away... It seems just like yesterday..that we were kids.... and it seems that today we are all grown up... But still the emotions that surface, when we await a loved one... can't be traded for anything in this world... It's the Season of Christmas... and the season of Homecoming.. I am reminded of a song i keep hearing in this season.. "I will be home for Christmas..." which holds good in our anticipation for Dad's arrival..... As a daughter I missed him a lot these six months and there are no words for me to share that  how much I care and love him a lot... Love isn't a simple w...

I hate life today...Ya ya... I was the one who  decided to live my life,and experience every minute. Sometimes pure hatred that I am still living in my parent's spare room, makes me want to puke and makes me want to run away... Life is a major torture and a big problem now that even though I am 32,my mother wants to rule my every move... I feel "boxed in" and unable to breathe as if I am a fish without the oxygen... or as if someone has pushed me underwater and trying to drown me... I hate everything around me and I hate my family for always raking up my failures and making me look like a failure every time they want to make a point.... I feel depressed and lonely and no one is there to support me... No one loves me...no one cares about me except their selfish needs.. Even my so called brother comes only when he need money... Its all a financial based love which you can call usage, family members also use you and throw you as and when it is easy for them....

Have there...been sometimes...that Life has given you many reasons to smile and you have thanked god for all the blessings... for that the day has allowed you to see...? There are some days, that a song comes into your head,  and refuses...to leave... There are so many such songs...that make up your mood... Some happy songs encourage you to go on...and sing your heart out.... One such song is " A new day has come...!"by Celiene dion... and yes that eternal fave......  "My heart will go on....!!!" from the movie Titanic.... There are many such ways to express your happiness... and contentment..with life... Just appreciate the wonderful sunrise and beautiful birds chirping early morning..... In case you are not fortunate of having trees in your area, listen to some soothing...music... so be pepped up....as you get up.. Smile ....stretch out ...get up.....go ahead... Life is waiting for you..Today... Seize the moment...Take the day... It's all...